In the Beginning
by kcdilla
Summary: This as a parody of the twilight series. It takes place right before the first book. Hope you like it! btw Danierox helped me with this parody! It's REALLY FUNNY!
1. Characters

_Note: Please tell me how you like it so far. This is just the character sheet but it will kinda give you an idea on what the story's gonna be about._

Characters-

Della Fawn- a small innocent girl who is found by the Bullens in the woods at age 4 after her mom and dad were eaten by wolfs (hint hint) only knowing here name age, address, and social security number BUT it's invalid (the social security number)

Fredward Bullen- a 17 year old clumsy, yet smart, geeky vampire whom reads minds

Valice Bullen- a 17 year old prep wannabe with rip-off brand clothes and claims to have physic abilities

Zasper Bullen- Valice's hippy boyfriend who can control the way you feel about other people (he say's he didn't use it on Valice but is he trustworthy) and is also 17

Tosalie Bullen- Popular good-looking vampire that has no special talents what so ever. She's 18 years old (Maybe her power is making people lose their self confidence)

Yemmett Bullen- Tosalie's punk rock boyfriend that thinks blue cheese is red. His unnatural power is making other people scared…I mean he's strong. Also 18

Farlisle Bullen- A vampire that saves people's lives. (How lame.) His only other power is compassion (*Snort*). 26 years old

Qesme Bullen- She looks 26 and she looks important. But don't worry we'll kill her off later(no comment)

Bacob Jack- he's 16 but looks 25 and hot. To bad he dies(I did not say that).

Sarlie Fawn- Della's fat ass couch potato (literally) step-father who still hasn't realized that his wife ran away with his toothpaste and died (could he care less?)

Jilly Jack- Bacob's father (are you sure? I thought that was his karma) …. (there goes his {???} self confidence)


	2. Finding Della

It was a dark and stormy night (just like any other scary movie). Thick raindrops fell upon Fredward's unkempt hair as he paced the backyard. The thoughts of his family were buzzing in his head.

_Valice can be such a fruitloop!_

_UG!! Who left my hospital blood bags all over the floor!?_

_2+2 is fish ___

_HELP ME!! Please someone! I've been left out here all alone in the rain with no food or shelter and I'm gonna die because no one loves me anymore and I'm about to be deprived of oxygen! _

This was a different voice that Fredward had- BONK! Fredward fell on the ground partially unconscious.

_UG!_ He thought _I hate that stupid tree!_

The cries kept streaming out of this anonymous head. Valice came outside running towards Fredward!

"Oh my goodness Fredward! Are you okay?" Valice placed Fredward's head on her knees.

"MAKE IT STOP! We must find the source of that mysterious screaming." Fredward blew Valice's feather boa out of his mouth then sat up and ran. Ran faster then any vampire has-CRASH! Man! Not again.

"Stupid tree," Fredward said aloud.

Fredward heard someone giggle. He looked all around him but couldn't find the source of the laughing. Then he looked dawn at his feet. There was a little girl about three years old.

_Oh! What am I supposed to say?_ Fredwardthought. _I know! This always cheers Fremmett up. _He crouched down on his knees and spoke to the child.

"You smell like a cheeseburger so…I'm gonna eat you!" Fredward smiled showing his big and bright teeth. The girl's eyes opened wider than he'd ever seen on anyone before (dead or alive).

"You IDIOT!" Valice yelled coming in behind him. "Shh…don't cry." She picked up the little girl and started to rock her. "So, what's your name?" She asked.

"Della!" Fredward said reading her mind. He continued to smile his stupid smile.

"How does he know my name? Who are you?" Della tried to get out of Valice's arms but, of course, she couldn't.

"Fredward! You're scaring her! Let's take her home and show the family."

**I'm sorry but this isn't a good chapter. I promise it will get better and funnier I just didn't have a lot of time this weekend!**


	3. The Door

**Sorry it took so long to write this chapter. We went to Seattle to see our aunt and older brother. We also saw Forks!!! **

Valice and Fredward hurried they're little behinds home before Della could freeze to death..

"O My Aro!!" Said Farlisle as Valice walked through the window with the baby human. "What have you done!?! You're endangering that child! Give her back to her parents!"

"Butbutbut-" said Valice.

"NO BUTS! Take her back to her parents! NOW!"

"But her parents are dead!" Said Fredward walking through the recently added door. "I read her thoughts. She said they were eaten by wolves." (**Hint hint cough cough**).

"Shut up!" yelled Yemmett.(Notice we changed his name. Hope you don't mind. If you disagree with our change too bad) "I'm trying to kill JIlly Jack on our Wii!"

"We have a Wii?" Asked Valice.

"Yeah! It came with the door."

Della started screaming "I WANT MY FREAKIN' MOMMY!!"

"Della," said Fredward "You're mommy's dead and never coming back."

"FREDWARD!" shouted Valice "You have to say it nicely and not say it like it's the best thing in the world. Anyway, I think she's afraid of you. You DID threaten to eat her. Della," Valice turned her attention back to Della. "Your mommy's dead and never coming back."

Zasper ran in the room carrying a plate of eggs.

"Eggs!!!" Della cried out happily. She squirmed out of Valice's arms and snatched the plate out of Zasper's hands. She ate them! (**OMG! It's amazing!! Who EATS eggs?**)

Valice suddenly froze and rubbed her temples and closed her eyes (**rubbed her belly tapped her head spun in circles JK**).

"She's seeing the future," said Fredward to Della.

Della watched in curiosity _These people are crazy_ Fredward read from Della's mind.

"What do you see?" Zasper asked.

"It's the Ravioli (**FYI that's the Voltori**)." She spun around so fast that it would have made a human dizzy. "Fredward NO!" But it was too late.

Fredward had picked Della up in his arms and looked at her sea green eyes. He stared at her like she was the only thing in the world. Nothing could separate them. Fredward was imprinting on Della!


	4. Hamburgers

**1440 seconds later (Thives idea)**

"What the heck are we going to do about this?!" Valice screamed.

"Well, I think we should go get some hamburgers cause I'm hungry!" Della said.

"Oh my Aro she spoke!" Fredward, again, pointed out stupidly.

"YES I CAN TALK YOU FREAKIN' IDIOT!! NOW GET ME SOME HAMBURGERS FOO!!" Della was not a happy camper! She had no idea what the heck-a-mal-e-cka was going on.

Yemmett took this time to explain (Oh Aro!)

"Well, you see, we're not what you call 'humans' or 'aliens' or 'fish'-"

"Get to the point Yemmett," Farlisle ordered.

"We're…dolphins!" Everyone in the room, except Della and Yemmett, slapped their heads and said 'doop' just like Homer Simpson.

"WE'RE VAMPIRES!" Zasper yelled. His fangs hung out of his mouth.

And of course..Della screamed and ran out the no longer recently added door and fell on the floor. (Oh! I'm a poet 'n' didn't know it. It's not a crime, to know how to rhyme…you get the point btw does anyone know the rest of that cause I can't remember!)

Fredward ran after her. "Della, wait! We're not_ that_ kind of vampire! We only drink animal blood!"

**Okay, this might start getting really random because Thives has reached the end of her attention span and is singing into a Barbie microphone saying I smell like a peso.**

Suddenly, the phone rings. Valice picks it up "Hello?"

Everyone watched in suspense (Hmmmm I wonder why!?).

Valice slowly put the phone back on the receiver and stared at Fredward and Della outside.

"That was the Ravioli."

"GASP!" Zasper gasped.

"What do they want?" Asked Carlisle.

"They want your soul… I mean they want all of our family to bring Della to them. Apparently, they have a new vampire working there who can watch all the vampires and what they're doing"

"Crap!" Yemmett yelled. Everyone looked at him. "Tehe…do you like waffles?"

Fredward came inside with Della. He had obviously read everyone's mind. "We better start packing!"

"TO ITALY!!"

**We really got to go. Thives is raiding my pen drawer and making fun of my butterfly pen by throwing it up at the ceiling fan saying "watch me fly!!!"**


End file.
